5 Ways to Address Self Criticism
Self-criticism, put simply, occurs when one is critical or harsh towards oneself. It can also be described as internal shame. It occurs when our inner voice is unfriendly and condemning. For example, let’s say you make a mistake at work. A self-critical voice may tell you that you’re bad, a failure, or that you need to work twice as hard to avoid future mistakes. On the flip-side, someone with a little more of a compassionate inner voice may be able to equate their mistake with a bad day and leave their worth as a person out of it. Out of the two reactions to the mistake there seems to be much less suffering in the latter example. Let’s look into five ways we can address self-criticism:
1. Think About When You Feel Most Critical of Yourself
The first step can be developing a curiosity for how we typically speak to ourselves. Some useful reflection questions could be:
What goes through your mind when you make a mistake?
What thoughts come up when someone is upset with you?
How do you typically motivate yourself?
How do you view yourself after a setback?
In your daily life you can attempt to be more attentive to your thoughts. One way to do this may be keeping a log of self-critical thoughts. Think about where you were, what was going on, and who you were around when these thoughts began to come up.
2. Explore What Role Self-Criticism is Playing In Your Life
Self-criticism may be an attempt at protecting yourself from other people's criticisms or rejection. Some people may feel as though if they’re not hard on themselves they won’t be successful.
It may feel unacceptable to you to be angry with others so you turn that anger inwards to cope. Many people fear being abandoned if they don’t perform well or if they show their true emotions.
3. Interrupt Critical Thoughts
We don’t always have control over our automatic thoughts, however, we can start to work with our reactions towards them. If you’re beating yourself up about something or stuck in a critical spiral, try to picture a stop sign and pause. Take a few minutes to concentrate on your breath and the environment around you. Remind yourself that you’re safe and loved. How would your best friend react to the way you’re speaking to yourself? Try and picture how they would speak to you in that moment.
4. Learn About and Practice Self-Compassion
Researchers suggest compassion is made of understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. Self-compassion asks us to develop concern for our well-being. It asks us to tolerate our distress and have empathy for where it may be coming from rather than judgmental towards it. With practice we learn to see compassion as a desirable quality in ourselves. A lack of self-compassion has actually been correlated with an increased vulnerability to mental health issues. How we speak to ourselves matters.Try and have empathy for all of the reasons why you may be so self-critical. It’s never too late to begin developing a better relationship with yourself.
5. Reach Out For Help
Human beings are social creatures, you don’t have to battle a harsh inner voice alone! Unlearning self-critical thought patterns can be a difficult but worthwhile task. Engaging in therapy can be a great way to explore what role your self-critical thoughts have been playing in your life. Together you can work on constructing a more compassionate inner voice. We live in a hyper-critical society that largely prioritizes productivity over wellness. It makes sense we might be critical of ourselves when we’re human (e.g.making mistakes). It can be a great act of self love and defiance to lower the voice of your inner critic and embrace self-compassion.
This is by no means an exhaustive list on addressing self-criticism. I hope to spark some curiosity in readers regarding how their inner voice has been speaking to them. I believe that the first step to personal growth is developing a non-judgmental curiosity about ourselves and our experiences.
