Grief In The Third Wave of The Pandemic

We’re going into year three of a seemingly never-ending pandemic. You may not be feeling your best and that’s completely understandable. There’s a high probability that you’re grieving right now. You may be thinking, “I can’t be grieving, nobody close to me has died,” but research shows people experience grief in response to losses not caused by death. These “non-death” losses can still trigger strong emotional, physical, and psychological reactions. Let’s explore what a non-death loss could look like: 

Loss of Place

As humans, we get attached to things, as annoying as it can be we can’t help it.  Places matter and yes we can get attached to physical spaces because they relate to our sense of safety and community. We form attachments to places such as childhood homes, favorite restaurants and coffee shops, places we gather with friends, and carefully designed living spaces.You may not have been able to spend the holidays with your friends and families. This could have been due to the large numbers of people testing positive for the virus, travel restrictions, or maybe you were being cautious. It is likely this left you feeling a little uprooted and unsettled. Recently, many pandemic apartment “deals” are terminating and people can’t afford the rent increases. Moving out of a space where you likely quarantined and curated to your own comfort can be a loss as well. 

Loss of Time/Opportunities 

Recognizing that we’ve missed opportunities and experiences due to the circumstances of the pandemic can be really painful. Many young adults feel as though they’re being robbed of typical developmental experiences. We’ve missed in-person graduations, weddings, birthdays, and funerals.You may love traveling and although yes this may be a privilege, it can still hurt when it’s taken from you. We’re missing concerts, live shows, family reunions, gatherings with friends, dates, insert any activity that involves leaving the house and seeing other people.

There is also the amount of time that is now added to our daily decision making processes. There are some mental gymnastics to be done in making safe choices as public health messaging can be confusing. It’s okay to grieve being able to just go somewhere without having to worry about catching or spreading the virus.

There is another loss of opportunity and time I would be remiss to leave out. Having to quarantine due to a positive test or exposure. Up to ten days in isolation, especially alone, is no easy feat. You may have missed important events which left feelings of loneliness and exclusion. Humans are social creatures and isolation can even evoke physical pain for some.

Why Face This?

Unfortunately pushing our feelings down and hoping they go away doesn’t work. Unfair right?! But we have to work with reality. Propelling yourself forward without pausing to process what you’ve been through will likely leave you feeling disconnected from yourself. Acknowledging our grief also allows us to recognize our own resiliency. By experiencing and honoring our experiences we allow ourselves to move forward. We can look back and see how we found and continue to find joy and connection despite the pandemic. 

A great quote which emphasizes the importance of grieving goes as follows:

Grieving allows us to heal, to remember with love rather than pain.

It is a sorting process. One by one you let go of the things that are gone and you mourn for them. One by one you take hold of the things

that have become a part of who you are and build again. 

— Rachel Naomi Remen 

What Now?

If confronting your grief may be challenging, it is not an easy topic to address and you don’t have to do it alone. Seeking therapy to work through your experiences over the pandemic and grief you may be processing can be really helpful. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help!