Toxic Work Environments and Abusive Relationships
As a former employee turned business owner and employer, I have thought a lot about how to create a work environment that is safe and empowering. I feel so lucky to have the chance to create a work environment in general for myself and others. After working in environments where at times I felt gaslit, exploited and unable to grow, I knew I wanted to create whatever it was that was the exact opposite for myself and my team. Most people are not granted that opportunity and many have to work within toxic working conditions and with people who may not put much thought into how their behavior impacts the daily lives of their employees. The mental health impacts of bad work relationships and environments is REAL.
I have met so many people who have had to navigate through really terrible relationships and overcome tremendous obstacles at work that exist in addition to already demanding and stressful jobs. It is easy to point the finger and say “You should not tolerate this, just leave!”. But the reality is that there are so many places, managers and bosses that justify their behavior and toxic work environments that justify their expectations. It’s not a safe bet that when you leave one workplace that you will land in a better one.
Culture
While I think workplace “culture” has become a hot button topic in more recent years, it is really difficult to maintain. Therefore, we have a ways to go when it comes to creating safe and improved working conditions for employees. You’d think people would want to come to a healthy and thriving workplace. However, finding a good workplace or great manager is like finding a needle in a haystack. Once you have it, it’s hard to leave because you know how lucky you are to have landed it!
Managers and Work Relationships
I was recently having this discussion with some colleagues and a few things came up that I think are important to share. Those who are promoted to manage teams are often done so because of their skills related to their jobs, not necessarily because of their leadership capabilities. Oftentimes people who are promoted are barely trained on how to manage others. Some have no interest in managing and a lot of times use how they have been treated as an employee to guide their own behavior. Therefore, the cycle of abuse and toxicity is perpetuated.
Have you ever experienced a manager who is threatened by your success? How does this manager try to contain you or tear you down? It can be subtle, but this type of behavior makes for an unhealthy competitive work environment. Energy that could be put towards your work, impact and growth are stripped away as you are constantly clawing your way to do your job or secure that promotion.
A manager who can recognize your strengths no matter how “green”, young, ambitious you are, these qualities lift not only you but your team in the process. For instance, in the therapy world, I have found that new therapists hold tremendous value. However, they are continuously exploited and seen as employees that need to pay their dues. This takes a major toll on the confidence and value young therapists have for themselves and therefore negatively impacts the people they work with.
For Example: New Therapists
Being newly out of graduate school can mean that you are motivated, inspired and most importantly, close to the newest forms of therapeutic interventions and thought. This is AMAZING! You bring such value to the world of mental health. Starting out as a therapist also allows you agility, more room for growth, learning and engagement. This is extremely valuable when working with clients. Although it can feel unnerving while you’re building your confidence, you are also giving your clients a lot of what a more seasoned therapist cannot. We have a lot to learn from new therapists and instead of excluding them, making them feel less than, putting them with the most vulnerable clients with the most challenging cases, we should be embracing them and helping them grow while they help us grow.
The Cycle of Abuse
We know for certain those who have been abused are more likely to go on and abuse others. Not dissimilar to hazing that occurs in Greek Life at college, some managers abuse their employees because they were abused themselves. It may be seen as a right of passage, it may occur because there is a lot of built up anger and resentment, it may be because it is easier to lash out then be thoughtful about emotion regulation and let’s be honest emotional IQ is not taught in school! Let’s not ignore the fact that some managers may still be getting abused as they abuse their own employees. The trickle down impact is so real!
Our Response
I bring up this topic not to complain or state the obvious. However, I feel that there is an obligation for founders and those who are building their companies to make more opportunities without toxicity and abuse. When toxicity ultimately does creep in , whether it be because of business constraints, old habits, employees or from our own tendencies, we have to check it out and thoughtfully pivot.
Recognizing that toxic and abusive work environments are created out of ease and slippery slopes has been useful for me. I don’t believe that people are inherently bad and don’t want to enjoy their relationships and work. However, workplaces when not consistently tended to are not built to withstand the storms that challenge the environment on a daily basis. Like a sweet fruit that can rot or a habitat that is fragile it may turn to ruin without protection. One size does not fit all and we cannot rely on just initial attempts to build something great. Culture and people require consistent support and movement.
How do you work on this at your place of work? What has worked and what has not? How do you get back up after failed attempts? What has been the most impactful shift for your employees? Has this helped your business thrive?