Growth Sucks. So Why Do We Want it So Badly?

Let’s be frank, in the midst of transition or a growth period, more often than not it feels awful. It’s confusing, unsettling, uncomfortable and just really hard. So often I hear people say “I want to be challenged and grow”. The idea of what comes next, something to work towards, sounds so appealing. But in reality, growth is hard and like I said, it can suck. So when faced with the hard work, some people even though they say they want it, are really not ready for the challenge and sacrifice it can take to get there. 

Resistance is one obstacle that many of us face with doing something new, something different, something uncomfortable. For instance, when patients come in saying they want to work on something, to explore a topic or figure out why they keep repeating the same pattern, there are moments when resistance rears its head and it manifests in various ways.

Sometimes it’s deflection, or excuse after excuse, sometimes it's a complete shut down of the topic or maybe even anger. This resistance tells us that the person wants to hold up a stop sign. It gives us insight into the mind and body. Somehow, the body, the mind or both, senses danger and our sudden reaction is to stop, to avoid, to not move forward or through. This can become really confusing for everyone because in reality we both understand that there is no inherent danger in opening up the conversation. There’s no bear waiting to attack on the other side, in fact we can both agree that if we go there, it could be helpful and bring us closer to our goals. So why the big standstill?

Change is HARD?! Why? Because it’s the willingness to accept and move through the discomfort, to challenge your body and mind to move past the misfirings of danger or distress, to do something that makes you anxious and scared while doing it. It’s typically using a different response than your typical go to. We as humans love routine and familiarity. So, pulling ourselves to use a different tool or strategy can feel like you are walking through a puddle of molasses while your body hits you with panic, anxiety, pain, anger and sadness all at once for the duration of the walk. Honestly, I can’t blame you for wanting to stay where you are. 

Change and evolution are not linear and each person comes with their own set of challenges. Therefore, there isn't a one size fits all approach, which makes things even more confusing and unsettling once you start dipping your toe in the growth pool. 

I often find myself exploring the quote “I want to find my work challenging”. I ask, do you actually? What about interesting or inspiring? Do you really want the challenge? Sometimes the answer is yes! Sometimes, it really comes down to what we are supposed to say and think and what our current society has drilled in us as a value. 

Once we break this down, many people admit that they sometimes enjoy coasting especially during periods of life where there are other factors that take a lot of their time and energy ie: kids, care taking, illness and transition. However with coasting, there is a big feeling of guilt. So therefore, it’s easier to believe that a challenge is what is best.

Raise your hand if you’ve made a choice to avoid the guilt of what you really want! Sometimes our own feelings of avoidance can guide our choices or what we say we value so much that we are truly living out of fear of our feelings. This can often lead to people wanting to change because ultimately, something may just not feel right. We know something doesn't resonate, but we can’t put our finger on what it is. 

Can we give ourselves the space to be true to ourselves? Maybe we really do desire to make changes that align us with our truest values and purpose. If we are ready and motivated, are you ready to face the challenge head on? Can we find grit or acceptance within to really go for it? 

If not now, it’s ok. Maybe the energy or motivation is down the road. Maybe, now is not the right time. Either way, acknowledging that change is tough, that it is not linear, that is not always fast and will not always lead you to where you think you are going to end up is something valuable to consider.