Asking For Help: A Complicated Coping Skill?

Coping skills are defined as methods to help us manage both internal and  external stressors. The ability to ask for help in meeting our needs would qualify as a  coping skill because it is one way to help get ourselves through a difficult time.  However, this might feel a bit more complicated than more solitary coping skills such  as doing breathing techniques or journaling. Asking for help from others can bring up  complicated feelings for many people.  

We live in a culture that tends to place a high emphasis on individualism and  self-reliance. This can make it difficult to accept and/or admit that sometimes we all  need a little help. Human beings are relational by nature, we need one another to  survive. Some may view asking for help as a sign of weakness or shortcoming when in  reality being able to ask for help is a sign of strength. It is a sign of knowing ourselves,  our needs, and our limitations.  

Let’s take a second to evaluate our own relationships towards asking for help. Try the  below reflection questions to help explore: 

Did your family place more value on “doing it yourself” or “letting others in?”  How have you seen others who have asked for help treated or spoken about? Was help available when you’ve needed it in the past?  

It can feel really vulnerable to ask for help. Just like any other skill it can take some  time to develop and requires a bit of practice. A common fear people have around  asking for help tends to be “what if they say no?” This can make it feel safer to keep  quiet and figure things out on our own rather than face a possible rejection. While this  makes sense as rejection can be painful, this viewpoint can also keep us isolated.  Below are a few tips if you want to start practicing this skill: 

• Start small: Start with a simple request to a safe person. A therapist can be a good  person to start with if this feels overwhelming. 

• Cope Ahead: Prepare yourself for the fact that the person may say no but that does  not mean it was wrong to ask. 

• Create Community: It can be important to build up a support network so you don’t  always have to rely on one person to ask especially if they are unable to provide help  at the time. 

• Remember: Asking for help is a sign of strength and helps to bond us with those we  are close to. It can make someone else feel good to help you just as you may feel  good when you help others.