5 Ways To Support A Friend Or Loved One Through A Tough Time

How we support a loved one or friend through the long term effects of Covid can apply to how we go about approaching people in our lives who are suffering with illness or going through a tough time. It is hard to find the right words to say when we are trying our best to let people know we are thinking of them, want to be there for them and are here to help. 

Sometimes our best efforts can leave our friends or loved ones feeling isolated or like a burden. Therefore I have outlined some simple ways to address a loved one during these tough moments that will make them feel seen, heard and loved.  

 5 ways to support a loved one or friend going through a tough time:

1. Stop talking about their situation as something that will resolve

2. Steer clear of toxic positivity

3. Ask how they are feeling and be ready for their true answer

4. Initiate conversation and connect them, don’t wait to hear from them

5. Instead of asking them how you can help, offer help with specific tasks  

Let’s dive deeper into why these things actually work!

Stop talking about their situation as something that will resolve

Life doesn't always go back to the way things were and that is OK. When people are in difficult transitions, it is healthy to grieve the loss of what was and also make room for what is ahead. When we allow our loved ones to express this, we support their reality and acknowledge that change is happening. This is a difficult thing to sit with and many people may want to stay away from validating the fears and challenging emotions that may come with staying with this. Especially if they are expressing feeling down or helpless. However, the more we can acknowledge where they are at, the more support you are able to give.

Steer clear of toxic positivity

Giving an overly positive response can invalidate what your loved one is trying to express. It may feel good to offer the positive perspective, however you may be doing more harm than good. While there is a time and place for hope and a positive outlook, read your audience. If they are being vulnerable and letting you know that they are having a tough time, giving them a positive response may shut them down from being able to be honest with you or having a space to express these thoughts and feelings.

Ask how they are feeling and be ready for their true answer

Sometimes, we may ask our loved ones how they are doing and hope to hear that they are doing well or at least better. Be aware of your own agenda and expectations when asking how they are. If you feel you may be frustrated or feel disappointed by their answer if they are not on the up and up, then simply connect in another way. Watching a loved one struggle is hard- there is no doubt about it. However, when our main goal is to support them, regulating our reaction, expectations and our actions are important. 

Initiate conversation and connect them, don’t wait to hear from them

If your loved one is feeling down, they may isolate and disconnect from the support they want and need. You may be the one calling them, making the plans and putting in more effort for the time being. They may experience a range of emotions that prohibit them from reaching out in the moments they may need you the most. It is challenging for anyone who is experiencing a tough transition to be vulnerable and accept love and support. So, if you can, take the initiative! 

Instead of asking how you can help, offer help with specific tasks that you think they would appreciate

Many going through tough moments are scared of burdening their support systems. Instead of asking them to give you the answers of how you can help, offer your support with a specific task. Ordering them dinner, cleaning up the dishes, calling them at night, etc, are all great ways to actually help your loved one out. 

If you read this and say, Oh no! I have done so many of these things. You are not alone and most likely your loved one has appreciated your efforts. So many of us have perpetuated the same ways of showing our love and support. 

I hope this gives you some inspiration and guidance for how you can incorporate new ways of caring for those around you when they may really need it.