3 Tips for Reducing Relational Stress During Pregnancy

Pregnancy can be an exciting time for expectant parents and often friends, family, and well-meaning strangers want to share in the celebration. While it can feel fun discussing color palettes, recommended baby items, and potential birth dates, conversations can begin to feel like interrogations. People who have never expressed interest in the intricate details of your life might suddenly wonder about your thoughts on vaginal versus cesarean births, formula versus breastfeeding, and what names you have picked out. While this often reflects their desire to feel included in this momentous occasion, their curiosity might feel intrusive and uncomfortable. Below are some tips to encourage and strengthen your boundaries and peace of mind for yourself and your growing family. 

Honor your privacy:

You might feel anxious, guilty, or shameful about not sharing updates and decisions with loved ones. Let's step back and consider this for a moment. 

Deception and omission are two separate concepts that can elicit similar feelings and negatively impact our relationships. However, in this specific context, it can be helpful to differentiate between the two. Deceiving is causing someone to believe something that isn't true, usually for personal gain. An example of this would be selling an item you claim is in good condition even though you know it's faulty. Withholding is choosing not to give or express something that is expected or wanted. An example is deciding that you will not tell your favorite aunt the name you have selected for your baby because she is wildly critical and can't keep a secret. 

It can feel awkward and isolating knowing information that you are not ready to share with everyone. Be open with your partner about what you are comfortable sharing and with whom. Only discuss what you feel comfortable sharing when you are ready, and consider that even though you express to someone that an idea or update is private, that person might still share with others. 

Some helpful responses to intrusive questions are: we are still discussing and deciding amongst ourselves. I want to do some more research before discussing this further. I have a lot going on, and I am not thinking about that now. Can I follow up with you if I have any questions?

Practice filtering information:

Another way to protect your peace of mind is to disengage from uncomfortable and unhelpful conversations related to your prenatal experience. As you transition through different stages of parenting, people will be reminded of their journeys and might want to share their experiences. Identify what you are excited about discussing and the specific things you want to hear about, and redirect conversations that don't align. Not all information that intends to be enlightening is helpful. Be selective about the stories and messages you receive from others. For example, you might ask your neighbor to share practical tips about how they find local baby-friendly activities but decline to hear about their friend's sister's traumatic birth because it is too distressing at this time. 

Decision fatigue, or the overwhelming feeling we experience when making several decisions simultaneously, can cause anxiety, especially during pregnancy and early parenthood.  

Incessant images and opinions in our lives and on social media can heighten this feeling of overwhelm and decision fatigue. One way to relieve this pressure is to take time to consider all of your options privately. Measure what you believe will work best based on your current routines, available resources, and personal wishes. Now might be the time to connect with your therapist to have a space to vent, reflect on your desires, and process your feelings and worries. 

Take a break from baby talk:

Pregnancy and new parenthood often require adjustments that take time to figure out. The struggle to "get it right" can feel stressful and isolating in those early days of navigating your new normal. It might seem obvious to lean on parents and parent communities during this time, but it can also be helpful to connect with family and friends in different life phases than you. 

You might enjoy hearing about your friends' life updates unrelated to parenting. While your routines might seem drastically different, connecting about a show or podcast you're both enjoying and hearing about their recent vacation or new hobby can feel refreshing. These conversations can offer humor and a sense of ease during this busy transition. In these moments, it can be helpful to remember that being a parent is just one part of who you are. These friends and conversations can remind us to see all of us, including the parts that make us feel fun, strong, and secure.