The Dangers of the Relationship Influencer
Relationship Influencers and Young Women
Oh the thoughts I have on relationship influencers. Whether on instagram, tiktok, a podcast or twitter, relationship influencers are making a lot of noise these days. They are also creating a ton of anxiety for their followers, specifically young women.
In an effort to address what seems like the newest trend, I am here to point out that it may be time to put down your phone and tune out.
The Dating Bible
Shoulds and should nots have become somewhat of a dating bible, answers to a confusing situation, the unknown explained. Who wouldn't grab onto some certainty when actively dating?
Things like, you shouldn’t text a guy right after you’ve left the date. But, if he texts you after, it shows he wants to keep the fun going and is interested in you. If a guy doesn’t reach out to you it means he’s not interested, because if he was interested he would make it happen.
These top tips become rules and actually end up impacting connections, making you question your intuition and ultimately the future of relationships. They also create a ton of anxiety, depression and panic for young women.
Generational Pass Down of Misinformation
Yes, I know that these things have been passed down, spoken for generations and women have clung to them before, but now through social media it’s almost like if you’re not following these rules, you are out of the loop and not facing the “facts” when it comes to relationships.
My favorite activity: Myth Busting, was actually inspired by the fiction turned to fact by a particular influencer. IYKYK.
The Power of the Influencer
Why are so many women and probably men (but I admittedly work mostly with the former) relying so much on the words and advice of relationship influencers, when relationships require the most innate connection and the ability to tune into your own feelings? Why does a random influencer have any place here?
Trusting Yourself
I think it comes down to trust. More so the lack of trust many have in themselves. It is so common to hear how people don’t see themselves as the experts in their own lives. They see themselves through the eyes of others, using comparison to understand where they stand, how others must see them and have not even considered how they feel about themselves. It’s not so much a lack of self esteem, but more so a lost or dormant sense of self.
Some people can trust their instincts. These instincts help them make career changes, inform them of when it is safe to cross the street, play a role in identifying what food they like or don’t. The basics. But when it comes to relationships, so many quickly don't trust their instincts or innate preference.
Why?
Is it because of societal pressures? Is it due to these overgeneralized, inaccurate statements that are capitalizing on the confusing world of dating and connection?
The Game of Love
Whatever the cause, I feel a strong urge to disrupt and stop the spread of these unhelpful and problematic set of rules, shoulds and overgeneralizations.
There is not a one size fits all approach to connection or dating. It is as innate as it gets.
You may just feel a vibe or you don’t. You may respond to a connection by reaching out to see that person, or life can get in the way, feelings can get in the way, personality can get in the way.
There are no hard and fast rules, no “shoulds” that should be followed. No games to love, just a series of feelings, actions and inactions that make up the extent of a relationship.
Says Who?
So, before consuming and absorbing what a relationship influencer tells you about relationships, love or connection, ask yourself why am I listening to them over me? No one can be the expert over your experience because it’s just not possible!
Next time you think of what to do or how to feel about relationships, ask yourself “Says Who?!”, if the answer isn’t “You!”, maybe it’s just not true.