Myth Busting
Sayings or what I like to call myths are phrases we have heard our whole lives. Oftentimes we have no idea who created them, yet they are passed down from generation to generation as if they hold a secret truth to happiness and how we all should be living and thinking.
These sayings hold so much power, they often create anxiety and doubt within us and create the “shoulds” we live by. Social media has amplified the power and reminder of these sayings by subtly or not so subtly planting themselves throughout our Instagram feed. They are shared by the influencers we follow, our friends and even our parents. They have become so ingrained into our social media fabric, they may be more powerful and present than ever before.
To get deeper into this issue and the emotional roller coaster these myths take us on, lets begin by outlining just a few examples below:
You’re too young to be in love
It’s been a (insert time ie: weeks, months, years), you should be over it by now
You can only love another if you truly love yourself
You’re only married for one year, you should still be in that honeymoon phase
Your relationship shouldn't be this hard
Guys are immature, you can’t expect more of them
You’re (insert age) years old you should have accomplished (insert life event) by now
You’re in the prime of your life, you should feel good about your body
Do any of these sound familiar? The root of all of these myths trigger shame and self doubt.
Do we love ourselves enough to love another? I have not found the one, does that mean I need to love myself more? My husband and I have been fighting and we’ve been married for only 2 months, does this mean I made a mistake getting married? I am in my 20’s and am still unhappy with how I look, is something wrong with me? I am about to turn 30 and don’t like my job, am I a failure?
This spiral can go on and on and from it we begin to formulate a pretty harmful critique about who we are, how we feel and our negative self talk begins to get louder and louder. Oftentimes, we have no clue just how mean we are to ourselves until we start to listen to that voice.
What is that critical voice saying to you? Is it speaking rationally? These overgeneralized statements can make anyone feel that if you don’t fit the mold, you are wrong and need fixing.
In reality, we rationally understand that every individual has a unique life, circumstance and path. Rationally we understand that some marriages are healthy and some are not. We understand that some people can fall in love at age 15 and end up in a healthy relationship with their partner for the entirety of their lives. We acknowledge that for some, body image issues are a struggle no matter how young they are. We recognize that loss or trauma impacts everyone differently and therefore it takes every single person a different way and timeline to work through this.
So then why do we let these myths shake our confidence? Why do we let them make us feel less than or confused with where we “should” be in our lives? To deny ourselves of these rational explanations, leaves us wanting to pursue a life these myths have made us believe in.
It is human nature to want to fit in and develop even a desire to dominate the societal pressures found in these myths. For those who have the relationship, the body image confidence and the great job, it is easy to buy into the myth and think that they are right. It is easy to believe that they were created for a reason.
But, we have to recognize the other side of the coin and the negative impact these standards have of the many people out there who don’t fit this mold AND are happy, healthy and thriving on a different path. For these individuals it is important to recognize that the only that thing that needs fixing is if the myth defines how you view yourself.
Let’s bust these myths! Let’s face them head on and ask, who created you? Who spread you? How do you make me feel? Are you helping me or harming me? Let’s be aware of the power we give these messages and the constant exposure we are all subjected to.
Therapy and CBT in particular are great ways to begin exploring how to combat these myths and feel good about how YOU do YOU.